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LET'S HEAR IT FROM THE GUYS
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May 22, 2012 10:40 pm
19 Views
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We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are
all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
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1
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NO BOOTS... NO RIDING
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May 16, 2012 10:55 pm
82 Views
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A woman goes out shopping with her husband and
spots a pair of boots she loves..
The husband says: ”No chance love, they’re way too expensive”
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when the husband tries
his luck and places his hand on her hip.
She turns to him and says. ”I don’t think so mate.
If you’re not prepared to shoe the horse then
you sure as hell aren’t riding it”
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0
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NO FUN
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May 15, 2012 3:31 am
169 Views
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IT JUST ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT OUR JES..... 
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5
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GIVE ME A PUSH
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May 13, 2012 11:54 pm
131 Views
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A man and his wife are awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a knock on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stranger is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He closes the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stranger asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him? she asks. "No I didn't -- it's three in the morning" "Well you've got a short memory" says his wife, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on holiday and those two guys helped us?. I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and returns to the front door and calls out into the dark "Hello -- are you still there?" "Yes", comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband "Over here on the swing" the man replies.
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1
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TO DO LIST
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May 10, 2012 1:13 am
217 Views
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I am gonna make a list of things I wanna do before I die....THE MOST DARING , MOST RIDICULOUS, MOST SCANDALOUS, MOST STUPID, MMMMMMM anymore????????/
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10
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LOST CAT? NO LOST MAN
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May 7, 2012 6:03 am
202 Views
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A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!"
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9
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two blondes are better then one
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May 2, 2012 6:45 am
255 Views
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2 blondes approach a river.
One blonde yells to the other blonde who is on the other side, "How do I get to the other side"
The blonde on the other side answers "You are on the other side".........
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4
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RIGHT PLACE
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Apr 29, 2012 10:56 pm
288 Views
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A mother and a baby camel were lazing around, and suddenly the baby camel asked -
Baby : Mother, mother, may I ask you some questions?
Mother : Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby : Why do camels have those great big humps on their backs ?
Mother : Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.... We can go on long treks across the deserts without drinking for extended periods...
Baby : Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded, wiith those huge three toed feet ?
Mother : Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. They help you stay on top of the soft sand... You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does ! Said the mother proudly.
Baby : Okay, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight.
Mother : My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind. Said mother camel with eyes gleaming with pride....
Baby : I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert sand and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert winds.... But Mom......
Mother : (Getting a little impatient...) Tell me boy, something is still bothering you... ????
Baby : Then Mom... what the hell are we doing here in this goddamn Zzzoooooo ???
MORAL OF THE STORY : "Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are of value only if you are at the right place" (Where are you right now ????????)
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7
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PUT THE GLASS DOWN
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Apr 28, 2012 6:12 am
306 Views
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A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it.
He held it up for all to see; asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!' .... '100gms!' ......'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor,'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students..
'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress; paralysis;
Have to go to hospital for sure!'ventured another student; all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' asked
The professor. 'No' the students said.
Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?'
The students were puzzled.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!'
Remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY
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9
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OLYMPICS AT IFF
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Apr 24, 2012 9:49 pm
361 Views
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Could not help but notice...there were 14 posts by various members posted on the 25th of April....
Out of the 14 7 were about sword fighting? boxing? mud wrestling?spitting AT each other?..archery.?.....WOW!!!!!! OLYMPICS AT IFF NOT LONDON ANYMORE????????????
ARE THE GOLD MEDALS READY!!!!!!!!         X  
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11
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To link to this blog (mysticalbeing) use [blog mysticalbeing] in your messages.
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